Old Moaner Travel
I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list
Costa Smeralda
Cruise Details: Seven day Mediterranean Cruise Barcelona - Barcelona January 2020
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When I think of Costa Smeralda I’m drawn to Longfellow’s Poem, “The Little Girl”
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There was a little girl,
And she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead,
When she was good she was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
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Those last two lines perfectly sum up Smeralda, making this an incredibly difficult review to write.
The cruise was a one week, circular cruise from Barcelona, indeed that’s all the ship is scheduled to do in 2020.
The day we were due to sail storm Gloria was approaching Barcelona and waves crashing over the sea wall meant the ship had to berth in the container port, resulting in passengers having to check in in central Barcelona – despite this, check-in was very quick and efficient.
In the end Gloria meant the ship was 30 hours late leaving Barcelona leading to Palma being omitted from the itinerary. In fairness Costa gave all passengers a €70 onboard credit as compensation and you could hear the frustration in the Captain’s voice when he announced the delay.
Speaking of the Captain, it is interesting to note the ship doesn’t have a “meet the Captain” evening – a major plus in my book.
The ship is, at the time of writing, the 5th largest cruise ship in the world and the largest outside the Royal Caribbean fleet, with a maximum capacity of some 6,500 passengers.
If you are a regular cruiser and are a bit blasé about safety drills beware on this ship, the life jackets onboard are not the same as on other ships.
The layout of the ship does differ from other super cruise ships in that it has no internal promenade deck and it is more a mish-mash of different areas.
Instead of a traditional atrium, Costa Smeralda has the Colosseo, loosely based on Rome’s Colosseum, it spans three decks and serves as a theatre and entertainment centre which is good in theory but in practice viewing from the upper levels is, at best, limited – thankfully there are plenty of TV screens broadcasting the shows.
Speaking of which the shows are broadcast on the ships TV system so you can watch them from the comfort of your own cabin.
There is also a theatre, the Sanremo, over two decks at the front of the ship, although it is more like a cabaret bar than a traditional theatre.
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Whilst talking about these two venues it’s probably worth mentioning the “entertainment” on board – notice the use of quotes there, as entertainment was very limited and done on the cheap.
Even on the sea day there was limited entertainment available, especially when compared with other cruise lines, indeed even in comparison with other Costa ships.
To save money they even have “virtual” concerts – basically videos of some house band played on a big screen with one member of the entertainment team attempting to encourage guests to dance.
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On the rare occasion there is some live activity it came close to crossing the line in terms of taste and decency – PC it wasn’t.
There are very few quiet areas on the ship either with background noise, I think it’s officially called music, everywhere – even in the lifts.
The cabin was a good size and the balcony was very big, almost as big as the cabin, however despite the size it only had two chairs, whereas it could have easily accommodated two sun loungers as well – perhaps they will appear in the summer, when the weather improves.
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Our cabin steward was conspicuous by his absence, we only saw him once the entire week and that was by accident as we happened to be in the cabin when he came to clean it.
This maybe an official policy as other passengers also commented about not seeing their steward. In truth this is no bad thing as, too often in the past, the stewards have been the other extreme and in your face all the time.
A subject dear to my heart is food and this is a very iffy area on this ship.
There are two buffets onboard, which sounds good in theory – however they are far too small for the number of passengers on board and finding a seat was often a challenge – not helped by some guests taking up permanent residency after they have finished eating.
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Choices in the buffets are limited and don’t change day to day – breakfast was always the same choice.
Bacon was always cooked to within an inch of its life, whilst sausages looked pale and insipid. Steak was available for breakfast but contained more gristle than meat and some days was so highly seasoned it was inedible.
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It’s worth noting the buffet isn’t a traditional buffet in the majority of the food is served to you by staff and you cannot help yourself. Theoretically this is to reduce waste but in reality food is still wasted.
There are several main restaurants, we were allocated a table in the Arlecchino Restaurant, luckily a table for two.
The restaurants are odd though as they don’t use table cloths, presumably to reduce the need for cleaning and saving the environment.
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Dining was an “experience” and not always in a good way. As it quite common we had a waiter and an assistant waiter. Although a pleasant young man the assistant waiter was worse than useless, actually creating more work for the main waiter, this meant he was rushed off his feet and mistakes happened.
Food quality varied from the sublime to being so bad I wouldn’t feed it to a dog.
One night there was a lamb dish as a main course- it was inedible, what little meat there was on the bones was so tough it got stuck between your teeth – assuming you could find anything edible in the first place. It wasn’t a case of me just being unlucky either, diners on other tables had the same issues. (see image)
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In fairness the waiter did offer an alternate meal but that’s not the point – the food should never have been presented in the first place.
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Service was incredibly rushed – most days as soon as you put your cutlery down for a course the plate was taken away and the next course appeared immediately.
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There were even occasions where two courses were served at the same time.
To add further intrigue to dinner there was the randomisation factor when dishes you had not even ordered appeared.
There were some paid for, premium restaurants, although the only one we used was the pizzeria and, in fairness, it has to be said the pizza was excellent – the charge is €8.50 or €10, including a dessert, although being a Costa club member it was half price – very good value.
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However it is interesting to note that, despite being an Italian ship, this is the only place on board you can get pizza – it never appears in the dining room or buffet, so if you want pizza you pay for it!!
It’s the same with ice cream, they have an excellent Gelateria on board, which you have to pay for, but if you want ice cream as a dessert in the dining room there is a charge. So anything popular, available for a charge, cannot be obtained free elsewhere.
Even the Gelateria had its issues though – on day one we fancied an ice cream sundae but after placing the order the waitress came back to tell us they only had ice cream available in one of the three flavours in the sundae – when we returned a couple of days later they had the full set and it was lovely.
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Similarly, they have a menu of flavoured hot chocolates, from memory there were about ten different options, yet when we went to order only two were available.
There is a similar problem if you like tea, it appears each outlet has a limited number of tea bags each day and cannot restock, so if you want Earl Grey tea and they’ve finished their quota it’s tough luck, you have to go round a ship to find an outlet that still has some.
When entering the eating areas they have automatic hand washing machines, often instead of a hand sanitiser. That’s all well and good but the soap is so strong it’s no good for people with sensitive skin and where there is no sanitiser option passengers are going in without cleaning their hands.
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Being only a few months old the ship has a clean fresh appeal, there are some quirky seating areas, however there are also some terribly badly designed carpets with patterns which make your eyes go funny.
There are a few swimming pools but certainly not enough for the number of passengers on board - luck it wasn’t hot and sunny.
Each deck is themed on an Italian town or city, with a different coloured theme ranging from subtle blues through to garish orange.
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What was noticeable is how quiet the ship is – on most cruise ships the sound of the engine is an incessant accompaniment to trying to get to sleep – on this ship you were barely aware of the engine noise and vibrations were non existent.
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For a modern block shaped ship she was also incredibly very stable, leaving Barcelona in the tail end of storm Gloria rolling was slight and rare and even pitching was minimal.
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There is a museum of Italian design on the ship, which is frankly a complete waste of space.
However there are some massive negatives, both of which would be showstoppers in terms of sailing on this vessel again.
Firstly this is a new and expensive ship, which clearly has to be paid for and filling the ship every week is going to be a challenge. The cost cutting in terms of entertainment and food quality is already self-evident.
They are also filling the ship by charging rock bottom prices which, without wishing to sound snobbish, doesn’t attract your more traditional cruiser.
As a fellow passenger succinctly put it “they are clearly aiming for the Blackpool rather than Bournemouth crowd.”
The majority of passengers are Italian and Spanish and without wishing to racially stereotype their approach to life is different to the British approach.
They are fiery, incredibly rude to waiting and bar staff and have no concept of good manners or queuing, which does make for an unpleasant onboard experience.
An even bigger negative is they allow smoking on balconies – we were lucky it didn’t cause any problems for most of the voyage, however we acquired new neighbours after Marseille the ship picks up and drops off passengers at every port – and the pair if them were chain smoking Gaulouises type cigarettes on their balcony, effectively making our balcony unusable.
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I was really looking forward to this cruise as having previously had a really good experience on Costa Victoria I was sure this would be even better – sadly it wasn’t.
It has certainly put me off the larger super ships and I would seriously think twice before sailing with Costa again.
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